Monday, October 31, 2005



I can't even tell you how stoked I am to see this movie. If it sucks someone's going to feel my wrath. Who's the director?

What do you guys think of these Dove ads? Casting is coming to Toronto, I was thinking I'd go but really, I don't want to see myself in underwear plastered on billboards and in magazines.

BOO!



Happy Hallowe'en everyone! I hope you have fun at whatever you're doing tonight. I got all my Hallowe'en partying out of me this weekend. Since I live in the country and my street doesn't even have street lamps let alone trick or treaters, I don't have the Hallowe'en vibe going on, but maybe you who live in actual towns do! Enjoy! :)

P.S. Degrassi's on tonight and it's hot! Craig and Manny are hooking it up, JT is now some kind of television star on a kids program? Yeah I don't get that. But, uhm, apparently he is contemplating selling drugs because Liberty's preggers and he needs money to pay for that shit if she decides to keep the baby! JT, don't do it!

UPDATE: JT stole Oxycontins from his job at Shoppers at the end of Degrassi and is fully going to sell that shit to help pay for his bébé with Liberty. What an idiot. Liberty is going to kick his skinny white ass.

P.S.S. Don't tell me how SAW II is because I've heard it's fuckin SICK and really scary but I wanna see it!

Well, I had a rather eventful weekend. It was quite fun. Friday night I ended up going to bed early only to be stirred from my sleep at 3 AM by some drunken loser banging on the door across the hall from my hotel room. Security finally came up after I - and others - complained. Finally, the guy got into the room, but proceeded to fight with the guy in the room who hadn't let him in previously. Again, I call security. Security tells them to shut the fuck up. They continue. Security comes up again - not my phone call this time - and evicts them, finally. So, I drift back to sleep having an early morning wake-up time the next day. Just as I'm about to fall asleep again, my phone rings. Who the hell is calling me at a hotel at 4 AM? The front desk, to tell me they've evicted the guys. Uhm, thanks. I heard.

Saturday was nuts! It was like Mardi Gras downtown...just drunk costumed people everywhere. I wore a witch costume that Kam my lovely pregnant co worker lent me. So yeah, we went out and got drunkety drunk drunk and had great times. Met cute boys, danced, had fun.

Maybe it's just the time of year, but I've been feeling very spiritual lately. Not like, God spiritual. Canadians, I must say, aren't a very religious bunch. We just don't have the same religious values in our politics and culture. We're more like liberal stoners. As such, "Who am I?" and "What am I meant to do with my life?" type questions plague me on a daily basis. I know this isn't a bad thing, some people never ponder those things and simply don't care about the answers. Some never know that there are even questions to be asked. I've always been a person who lives in my head and is constantly analyzing things. So, today I'm watching Oprah and god do I love Oprah! I don't care that a lot of people hate on her. She's the queen of the world. What she says goes, man. She could bottle her own sweat and sell it as perfume and people would buy it. She is gospel. The show was about women who let abuse basically erode them and make them feel unworthy. As a result, they numb themselves and let themselves go. I know how that feels. I have suffered abuse. I had a traumatic experience when I was four years old that has made me feel a lingering sense that I don't belong in the same world as everyone else ever since. And yet, I know that I do deserve to have everything that I want. It's a matter of knowing that you didn't deserve the wrong that was done to you, and not inflicting it on yourself. Sorry, this is kind of a heavy post I know, but that's me. Sometimes light, sometimes heavy. So I guess that's one part of who I am: Crazy and loud and talkative and funny, but also very sensitive and sometimes overly thoughtful and obsessive. Who are you?


Side note: Robbie Williams song "Tripping" off his new album sucks. a lot.

Friday, October 28, 2005


Well guys, I'm going away again for a few days, so have a great weekend and I'll see you when I return. I'm headed to Windsor, which is right over the border at Detroit, Michigan. Detroit is some scary shit! But yeah it'll be fun. Have fun Hallowe'en parties if that's what you're doing! xoxo


How did Evangeline Lilly even get on television? I don't get it. Her only claim to fame before that was some crap ad for phone dating. I don't get it. She's from Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta. That's practically fucking Siberia compared to Hollywood. How do these bitches do it?! And when they do it, why the hell can't they date someone who doesn't resemble Nixon?


I know that MK already posted this and it's old news but I just have one question: Do they think we won't know? Do they think they will be the one celebrity to avoid the wrath of public judgment? Or, do they think the razzi might NOT get that embarassing shot of their lips healing? What DO they think?!

Thursday, October 27, 2005


This bitch is co-hosting Much On Demand (kinda like TRL for Canada) on November 1. What's that? Tuesday? Fuck I better make a note not to watch. Not that I ever watch.

I was reading People magazine last night and they fuckn gave her new album 2.5 stars! And they didn't rip her to shreds in the review! They were like "this is the best stuff she's put out and it's brave of her to make a 2nd album after the SNL incident" Why do people keep talking about her like she's Marie Antoinette? She's a manufactured pop singer who has millions of dollars and no talent! How brave. I'd be putting out another album too if my 15 minutes weren't up yet.

Monday, October 24, 2005


Oh my god bitches I totally want to try out for this shit! But I am such a baby! I'd make a killer VJ, I think! Plus, hair makeup and wardrobe people could fix the rest. Damn I'd be like the Jennifer Aniston of VJ's. Loves it! But yeah I can't wait for this show to start! Click the photo for more info.

LIFE ISN'T FAIR, WHEN YOU'RE STUCK IN A CHAIR




Well Degrassi is on tonight! I love Mondays. Apparently tonight's episode is mostly about Jimmy and how he's throwing his life away since he got shot and stuck in a wheelchair. Whatever. I want to see more of Craig and Manny getting their freak on! Jimmy's kinda hot though. CTV 8:30 ET.

Sunday, October 23, 2005


Words defy this man's hotness.



Have you guys seen the new SNL cast members? Bill Hader and Andy Samberg were totally hired to fill in the "cute guy" gap since Jimmy Fallon left. Some people dislike Jimmy Fallon but I thought he was hot. And I think these two are both pretty cute as well. Bill - top photo - reminds me of a culmination of like 3 boys I know - yes Josh and Noah Krussell are two of them Emily! Andy is just a goof. I like them so far.




Ok seriously, I'm starting to feel like a crazy person. I think I'm just somewhat stressed out lately over crap. Tonight was my mom's birthday dinner and as per usual it ended badly. I don't want to point the finger here, but I am seriously worried about my brother. He's just so negative and I fear that he will go through his whole life that way and constantly make things harder than they have to be. My parents are totally redoing his kitchen as a wedding present and you should see how he acts when they try to bring up making plans for it. Like it's a nuisance. It was just so annoying, and lately it's been happening far too often that his negativity is ruining the relationship we all have with him. I'm bummed out about it. It's a lot longer story than that I just don't feel like re-hashing it in my blog. But yeah. Things are...not good.

UPDATE:

My friend did come by, and she was very very upset about her grandfather, who is currently dying of cancer. We had a nice long chat about our current woes, and all was well. I know things have been really hard on her, and I want to be there for her and be an understanding friend. My issues can wait.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

KIDS IN AMERICA PREMIERE




Nicole and her collarbones dressed up for the premiere of Kids in America. Gotta say, she looks hot. She IS hot. Designers must be clamoring to dress this bitch because she always has the best dresses for events. I guess it's easy when you're the same size as the hanger!


But what I wanna know is, how come you never see her wearing jeans anymore? She's morphine into Mary-Kate with her friggin Value Village old lady dress addiction. Look how hot she looks in jeans! Not to mention before the lack of food started claiming her hairline. She really should have stopped losing weight there. And I know it's, like, totally unhealthy but NR's new nose totally makes me want a nose job. I have a bulb! Ugh I am in a feeling ugly phase! Maybe it's all the celebrities I'm constantly seeing everywhere.



Friday, October 21, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM


This is my mum. She's totally hot. She's 55 today. I look nothing like her. I wish I had a better picture of her, this one is cut because I'm a drunk fuck in it and I look shitty. It was taken well into my grad shindig, and well, we all know how well those photos turned out. Crap I shouldn't cuss in her birthday wish. I love you mum!

DOWNLOAD THIS...



Parting Gift...

I opened my eyes while you were kissing me once
more than once; and you looked as sincere as a dog

Just as sincere as a dog does
when it's the food on your lips with which it's in love

I bet you could never tell
that I knew you didn't know me that well

It is my fault you see, you never learned that much from me

Oh you silly, stupid pastime of mine.
You were always good for a rhyme

And from the first to the last time
The sign said Stop
but we went on wholehearted
It ended bad but I love where we started

It said stop but we went on wholehearted
It ended bad but I love where we started

I took off my glasses while you were yelling at me once
more than once

So as not to see you see me react

Shoulda put 'em, shoulda put 'em on again
So I could see you see me sincerely yelling back

I bet your fortressed face, belied your fort of lace
It is by the Grace of me you never learned what I could see

Oh you silly, stupid pastime of mine.
You were always good for a rhyme


And from the first to all the last times
All the signs said Stop
But we went on wholehearted
It ended bad but I love where we started

It said Stop but we went on wholehearted
It ended bad but I love where we started

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAVERY!




Well it was my friend Lavery's birthday on Wednesday and what a time we had! As you can see, we all had great fun. Lavery got made out with a lot. You drunken bastard! I loved it. Good times had by all.






Thursday, October 20, 2005



Oh my god you guys, I was seriously shocked when I caught this shit on PrimeTime tonight. These twins - ironically, named Lamb and Lynx after...famous strippers? maybe? - are 12 year old identical twin sisters that write and sing songs. Awww, cute, right? WRONG. These bitches are total white supremacists! They sing about loving Hitler, and when asked on PrimeTime about Hitler they said the following:

"He was a great man"
"He had some really good ideas"

Interviewer: "He murdered 6 million Jews"

Racist 12 year olds: "That's an exaggeration. I don't believe there were that many Jews alive back then".

Oh NO she didn't! Ok look, I am sensitive to racism because I myself am of mixed race but I'm not an idiot. I know racism exists. Sometimes in small ways I catch myself being prejudice. I'm by no means saying I'm racist, but you know how it is. You have ideas based on stereotypes that are unavoidable. But this is a bit MUCH. Seriously, I thought the only people who praised Hitler anymore were Grand Pubahs or whatever in the KKK. 12 year olds?! I can't even think of what to say about this. It speaks for itself.

But, you know what's hot? Apparently the Hitler Twins (has a nice ring to it, no? Kind of like the Olsen twins) made up some care boxes for victims of Hurricane Katrina and inside they put messages of how they only wanted the boxes to go to white people and white power and blah blah, and not one white person in Mississippi where the boxes went took it. Amen bitches! Even in their time of need they declined that shit. I love that! Thank god some people still have it in them to stand up for what's right.

GETTING MY FIX...


I have to see new pictures of Nicole Richie on a regular basis. Seriously, my head would like explode if I didn't know what she was doing/snorting/wearing/drinking/not eating every single day. I'm starting to believe the following about what it takes to become the new It Girl in your own world: fugly boots*, a big bag, even bigger sunglasses, jutting collar and breast bones, a gigantic coffee and/or heavily caffeinated beverage, and clothes that defy the amount of money you actually posess. Is that all? I think I've got it covered, then.

*I, too, own several pairs of boots that attract all types of "opinions", and in no way am I judging the girl for wearing them. I love my so-last-season mukluk boots and everyone at a certain workplace that shall remain nameless who chooses to make fun of them everytime I wear them can sod off because they're hot. THEY ARE TOO.


Well, Bill Clinton just ended his tour of Canada and I gotta say, the Canadians were lovin' the Billster. I love Clinton. He was a hot President who should have stayed in office. Seriously, he was impeached for getting a hummer. I think it goes without saying that Bush has done much, much worse.

Some highlights from Clinton's speech in Toronto, via CTV.ca:

Former U.S. president Bill Clinton said he sympathized with Canada's position in the long-standing softwood lumber dispute and expressed support for Prime Minister Paul Martin's tough stand on the issue.

"In view of the American position, I don't see how your prime minister can be anything but really publicly very tough on this. I don't think he's got an option," Clinton said, implicitly criticizing Washington's refusal to abide by a NAFTA ruling.
Addressing a sold-out crowd of nearly 4,000 in London, Ont., Clinton received a standing ovation after holding forth on multilateralism, globalization, global warming, AIDS, the tsunami and hurricane relief, his wife's political career, his differences with President George W. Bush and his affection for Bush's father.

But the former president's strongest comments were reserved for the current Canada-U.S. dispute over softwood lumber.
"You've lost some jobs out of this, and a fair amount of money, a few billion dollars," he added.
"If I were the Canadian prime minister, that's what I'd say."


Bill Clinton, you're hot and Canada loves a good rim job just as much as you. We love you!

Here are some cheesy Clinton jokes for your gander:

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? --I'll be home in twenty minutes.
Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear? --To keep his ankles warm.
Realization of from another White House intern . . . --And all that time I thought that humming was the shredder!
Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours? --Clinton was showing her the proper way to take "dic"tation.
What was President Clinton's explanation for having oral sex with Monica Lewinsky? --"They told me she was the "head" intern!"
What's the recipe for Clinton stew? --A small weenie in hot water.
What do Monica and Bill Clinon have most in common? --They're both going down.
Someone ask Clinton if he was going back to Arkansas after this is all over. --He said he thought he would stay in D.C. and poke around for a while.
Why does Bill drink so much coffee? --He is required to "stay up" for many hours to satisfy the needs of his staff.
How did Clinton exercise his position as Commander-in-Chief? --By barking out orders . . . like "Get Under the Desk!"
Don't feel sorry for Monica...... --She'll be back "on her knees" in no time!
Why did Bill get into this problem? --He didn't know that harass was one word.
Clinton Presidential Anthem -- --Kneel to the Chief
What's the difference between Watergate and Zippergate? --At least this time, there's no doubt about the identity of "Deep Throat."
Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff? --She didn't understand know what STAFF he really meant.
Who's going to score first in the Super Bowl? --The Denver Broncos or the Green Bay Packers? Bill Clinton
What's Hillary's new nickname for Bill's penis? --"The Titanic" - because over 1500 interns went down on it.
What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name? --Unibanger.
How does Hillary feel? --She may be the FIRST LADY, but she won't be the LAST
What advice did Yasar Arafat give President Clinton in their meeting on January 22, 1998? --"Bill....Goats don't talk!!"

A BITTERSWEET ANNIVERSARY...



Three years ago October 18, I left my childhood home for a new home in the Fleet, or Wainfleet as it's actually called. I was sad to leave my old home but our new house is hot! I love living in the country, I'm a hick at heart. But, October 18 is also a far less cheery anniversary for some. On October 18, 2002 three teenagers were killed on Thorold Rd. in Welland, ON (the location of said childhood home) after a car speeding in the rain lost control and slammed into a tree, pinning two and throwing another one. All of the kids were killed and so was the driver. He wasn't drunk. He was just speeding. Being the sentimental schmuck I am I like the idea that I could tell the story so that maybe people will think twice before driving like complete assholes. It's not worth it to kill someone else or yourself in such a senseless way. These kids were on their way to the store on a Friday night probably to buy candy or something, ok maybe a pack of Zig Zag's and some smokes but whatever, they were enjoying their weekend and having fun and then they were killed. I think of them sometimes when I'm in my car, late for work, and trying to get there even faster. It's just, not, worth it. Think about it people! If you're from a small town like me where everyone knows everyone, you know how horrible tragedies like that are especially. So, just think about it. Thank you :)

Sunday, October 16, 2005


Yeeeeaaahhh....this movie? Sucks.

Saw it last night. It was all Saggy breasts and baby teeth and completely obnoxious, pretentious conversations. Oh, and did I mention Kiki's bad mullet-esque hair extensions? No? Because they were bad.

Well guys, I thought I'd let you know in advance I'm going away for a few days. I won't be back until Tuesday night. Just family crap to do. So I'll see you when I get back! Love you bitches!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

LESSONS FROM CANADA: PART DEUX.



Billy Talent. A pretty good band.





NOT a good band.


Listen you post-hungry bitches! I'm not just, like, your little post monkey that posts things for your enjoyment! Wait...I guess that is what I try to do. Ok FINE! ;) Well, I have nothing that interesting to say today. I have been kind of a wretched bitch lately and see no signs of that clearing up. Sometimes, it's well deserved, sometimes not. I tend to function on two planes: letting people walk all over me, or seeming like an inflexible turbo bitch to avoid it. Which is worse?

Anyway, last night after an irritating day I went out for pumpkin ale at The Merchant Ale house. But, apparently it wasn't fermented yet! Blasted! I settled for a few glasses of Pinot Grigio instead. I saw the ex. We spent some time together. I actually had fun with him, despite the sometimes volatile emotions between us. He shaved his beard though and left a moustache - he's an eccentric guy, what can I say - and kind of looks like a 70's porn star with the stache. But he was all cute with his brown sports jacket and black slacks and Chuck Taylor's and porn star stache. We - Forrest and I - ended up venturing to the Mansion House, a bar we used to frequent A LOT with our friends when we were dating. This picture reminds me of those times - though Forrest isn't in the picture. It was really weird to be there again, it was the scene of so many crimes. Times we drank too much, and times we took too much for granted. I remember after Forrest left for Katimavik, our friends and I would go there and bang beers on the table in his honour. And then, things changed. I guess he was gone too long, and we thought he'd never return? I don't know, but that Autumn at the Mansion House was the end of an era. Things were never the same after that. It was one of those moments in time when you have no cares and everything is a big party, and then reality hits you and you always look back fondly.

Uhm anyway enough about that. This morning, I went to the trainer's. He made me do some CRAZY shit. He has me doing these step up things as fast as I can, and I hate them they're one of my least favourite drills but he made me do 100 reps. It was sick. I wanted to die. More than once I think I told him I hated him. But it felt good to accomplish it. Although, despite all I still feel totally gross today. It was sunny this morning but then took a windy/cold turn and I felt like I couldn't get the cold out of my bones since my mother left the windows open. I slept much of the afternoon only to wake to my mother's bad mood. I dread when she gets busy at work, because you can never fully trust that she won't bite your head off and eat it for dinner.

Sigh.

I guess it could be worse? I could be...Michael Jackson?

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Degrassi: The Next Generation



K any of you bitches that don't like this show can just suck it up for me for one second! I love Degrassi. I loved the original Degrassi and I love the next generation even more! This shit is so hot. Where we I even begin for people who haven't seen it? Ok, Emma the main character is the bastard child of one of the characters on the original series - Spike. So, the show kind of centers around her and her slutty good-girl-gone-bad best friend Manny (Manny highlights: slept with Craig when he had a girlfriend. Got drunk and showed her tits to the principal's son while he videotaped her. Tried to get breast implants with the money she made acting in a Kevin Smith film - he was on the show in a two part season finale last year)





But in true Degrassi style there are about 800 "main" characters. MK you'd totally love Marco! He's played by Adamo Ruggiero and he's a totally hot gay guy on the show who claims not to be gay in real life but totally is! What a queen! He's a total giver. He was dating Paige's brother Dylan for a while but I guess Dylan went off to University and dumped Marco's hot gay ass!



Then there's Craig. I love Craig. He's hot, he's in a band, he has bipolar disorder and acts like a fuckin chooch half the time! But did I mention he's kinda hot?


Ok then there's Ellie...she dated Marco but then he realized he was a big gay queen and dumped her ass. Then she proceeded to become a cutter which we later find out is because her mother is a drunk fuck. Then she dates Sean who is like the token badass on Degrassi - he steals and talks in ebonix. That's BAD people. BAD. But then it was like this season there was no mention of her and Sean and all of a sudden she was single and in love with Craig who got dumped by Ashley long distance. Man I can't even keep this shit straight!

Uhm If there's one character I can't stand it's Paige. She reminds me of Hohan. She's a total bitch. She's supposed to be the Most Popular Girl or something, but she's totally fugly! Like on what planet is this bitch considered pretty? The best Paige moment is when she and Alex smoked a joint at school and when they got high they actually LOOKED high.




Ashley - this bitch used to be all preppy and she dated Jimmy who is also really hot before he got shot and ended up in a wheelchair. Then she went all goth and weird. Then she dated Craig but he cheated on her with Manny then they got back together and broke up again because Craig was a whackjob. She's a skank!




There are too many bloody characters! This show is hot. I won't hear of anything else. IT'S A GOOD SHOW DAMNIT.



Source: engadget.com. click the photo. i suck at anything HTML related.

Ok, I wouldn't have believed this shit if I haven't read it online. Because, y'know, everything you read online is true. Wait, it isn't? WHAT THE?!


You know, sometimes we lose things here and there — a key, the toll slip on the interstate (damn!), our wallet (double damn!). But the U.S. military — they’ve one-upped us by losing some armed attack dolphins. Apparently 36 of the U.S. Navy’s trained cetaceans have gone missing in the Gulf of Mexico, could be wearing special harnesses carrying “toxic dart” guns (can’t be good), and have been trained to shoot at divers in wetsuits simulating terrorists in exercises. Their coastal compound was breached during Hurricane Katrina, sweeping many of the mammals out to sea, and though the Navy isn’t confirming it, sources close to naval intelligence confirm that perhaps now is not the time to take that underwater pleasure diving excursion in the Gulf — not that it’s exactly the place to be, anyhow.

You may not have stolen my boyfriend buuuttt.....






I still hate you. I hate your new song. I hate that song so much I want to cut myself when I hear it just to make sure I'm still alive and not somehow misplaced at the fiery gates of hell. I hate that she cops out and claims the song isn't about Hohan and Wilmer. I hate how she throws together things that don't even look like clothing garments to try and look "rock and roll". I hate the way she dances when she sings. I hate that she actually sounds like a 65 year old lifetime smoker when she sings instead of a singer. I hate Ashlee Simpson. WHY GOD WHY is Ashlee Simpson famous? Have I done something to anger you? It's the only viable explanation for the phenomenon that is the youngest Simpson sister. /end Rant. Oh yeah! I forgot...that dude is Canadian. He won a contest on MuchMusic and became a VJ for about 2 seconds until he seemingly fell off the face of the earth and showed up again in the States. Meh. Enjoy him!

Monday, October 10, 2005

PIGS GONE WILD...





By now I'm sure I'm not the only one disgusted and outraged by this tape. CNN has pretty much been looping this shit all day. I couldn't even watch the tape, it was so bad. I'm not one for violence anyway, but this was particularly disturbing. First of all, if this guy was drunk, what could he have possibly done to warrant a public beatdown? And second, he is 64 years old! Short of busting out a gun and shooting at the cops, what threatening thing could he have even done?! And hell, if he was drunk AND 64, the guy probably didn't even fucking know his own name! What a joke. This does not provide me with comforting thoughts about the people protecting me. In fact, I've never met a cop who wasn't a total prick. I know that's an extreme opinion but show me one who isn't a power tripping douchebag and I'll change my tune.



Is it wrong to love you? I could be the Demi to his Ashton. Mother, may I!



Just who else could this bony lifeless bangled arm belong to?....





Darling, Karen Carpenter called. She wants her shtick back.

LESSONS FROM CANADA: Part I



It's Thanksgiving in Canada today! Now, I know that in America thanksgiving is toward the end of November. This is because of the differing harvests in Canada and the United States. That's all! No other reason. We didn't just want to be different. Our veggies just taste better this time of year. By November the ground is hard as a rock and snow is coming! Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving all!




Gord Downie. Now, I know some Americans have heard of him but I think the Tragically Hip only had one single that was really played in the U.S. - ironically, I think it would be somewhat inappropriate now since it goes "New Orleans is sinking, man, and I don't wanna swim" - but Gord Downie is definitely one of the most famous musicians in Canada. I love him. He and the rest of the Hip still live in Kingston, ON (home of another Canadian institution - Queen's University, kind of like the Harvard of the north). Anyway, if you're into the Hip check out their albums or also pick up Battle of the Nudes by Gord Downie, it's an awesome solo album and I love love love this man!

Oops...more to come, but right now, Thanksgiving dinner is ready!



What is it about these two that make me feel as if their "love" and "marriage" are less than "genuine"? I just can't put my "finger" on it. Maybe it's that "Britney" and "KFed" - if those are in fact their real names - are constantly plastering their shit all over the internet and requesting doll representations of their new baby less than a month after his birth. Do kids even want to play with Britney dolls anymore?

Sunday, October 09, 2005



MK I don't mean to rip you off but HELL NO!!! She's already showing, that means she has to be nearly 4 months pregnant. She got pregnant in JULY?! That means she had been dating him for what? 3 months? Ok I get that Hollywood is different than the real world, but where I come from if you're pregnant with a man's baby 3 months into a relationship and only a few months after dumping your fiancée/boyfriend of 5 years, you're a straight up HO! I wonder what her family is thinking? I know what they're thinking..."Lord don't let this baby have Tom's snaggleteeth!"

Saturday, October 08, 2005


The poet James Frost once said "The world, some say, will end by fire; some say by ice"
Well, Frost left out Hurricanes, Earthquakes, and Tsunamis. Seriously, can a month go by without the earth's crust cracking, the seas parting or the skies falling? I really don't think you can attribute all of this to global warming. I think it's some kind of godly force trying to tell Britney never to reproduce again.
Seriously, though, I feel really sorry for everyone involved in any kind of natural disaster taken place in the last, say, 9 months to a year. I remember one time when I was in the 11th grade, I was lying in my bedroom at our old house in Welland. I was lying on the floor with my head leaning on a blow-up chair (it was 1998 people.). All of a sudden, my fishtank started shaking and then the entire room, and the house. My mom and I were the only ones home but we totally shat ourselves wondering what was going on. It turned out a 5-point-something earthquake had started in Ohio and we were feeling the tip of it (Welland Ontario is, say, a 5 hour drive from Ohio). I remember thinking it was kind of cool because I was stupid and 15 and things like that never happened in Southern Ontario. Now, I know better. Natural disasters are the most random and unstoppable forces we can encounter, I guess. I'd almost rather die at someone's hand than the hand of Mother Nature, because at least then I'd have someone to be mad at. Knock on wood.
Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while bitches! I missed you! I have had the most horrible week, and I guess I didn't want to burden you with my girlish bitching. But, it's my blog and I'll tell you what happened. So, Tuesday I'm driving home from work and as I'm going up the giant hill on Victoria Avenue in Vineland (Ontario wine country), Tulip the green ford focus starts chugging and sputtering and can't even make it past 40 KM/hr....Anyway she finally breaks down. I curse and try to get my cell to work to no avail, but eventually she starts again. So, I go a few more Kilometres before she breaks the shit down again! Some crusty old man whose teeth hadn't seen a brush in what I can only guess is at least 7 years, stops by to (rape and kill) help me. He tells me what the problem is and says to drive it home since I was only a few kilometres from home at that point. So I drive home, then later take it to the garage and tell him what Crusty Dinosaur said was wrong with it. Mechanic gives me a song and fucking dance and tells me it needs this that and the other. He charges me $430 that I don't have for the repairs, and I happily take Tulip back on Thursday morning.
After work Thursday, I had to go to the gym to meet with the nutritionist and then the trainer, and what the hell happens? It breaks down AGAIN - same exact way! I wanted to throw myself under a bus and hope for the best. It was horrible. I had to cancel my training for the week (my trainer probably thinks I'm one of those pathetic people who can't make it past a month!), got no sleep, and the worst part is everyone's gone away for Thanksgiving and I can't even complain to my friends! Emily, god love her, is having sex with her long distance boyfriend who is now home for Turkey day which only makes me more pissed off from envy! Sigh. I digress. My car won't be fixed until after the holiday, and I think the part that is ACTUALLY broken is under warranty so maybe I won't have to pay any more money. Maybe I never had to pay money to begin with. I don't know, but I am a friggin' baby and I can't handle all this stress! Thank the baby jesus it's almost over.
The light at the end of the tunnel is that: Katie Holmes is pregnant with Tom Cruise's alien child. All is right with the Scientological world. Chestica and Nick are/aren't breaking up? Who cares, Nick should dump her ass before she has the chance to make it look like it's her choice! And dump her unceremoniously! But the best news of the week is a tie for: Hohan's near death by car, and the rumour I just heard today that Brit Brit and KFed are over?!?! Does anyone know if there is truth to this?! Oh god I would have a party at that divorce's expense. Fuck ya! Ok bitches again I'm sorry and I shant miss a week again!