Wednesday, November 30, 2005

STORIES FROM SARAH

Well you hot bitches, we've been in a relationship for a while so I thought I'd introduce you to a day in the life of me.

First, I steal Marty my coworker/spy extraordinaire's camera and snap a photo of him. He is pleased with this:




Then, I multitask by drinking a drink and talking to Dave at the same time...maybe I'm making him do me a favour? Only the fly on the wall...and Marty who snapped this one...knows, but I look very squinty which I do not think is a good look for me. Ah well:




Then, it's back to work for us. This is Marty's phone not mine but I have the same one so there Marty! Marty is a kickass awesome photographer.




Then, I go for coffee with a friend. But I don't have pictures of that. However, upon return from coffee I finally connect with my good friend Ryan who I haven't talked to in forever! He is living in China until the summer and has been for about a year and a half already. Here he is with his cute girlfriend Maggie



Now, I'm home and watching America's Next Top Model. Bre is such a dumb biotch! She just basically threw a fit in front of a top designer. Bitch ain't never workin' in THAT town again! Goodnight all!

TO HIT, OR NOT TO HIT.

So The Biggest Loser is done and overwith. My worst fear came true and Matt won. Matt isn't even cute, and he has cauliflower ears apparently from years of wrestling. You know how wrestlers constantly grab those headgear things around their ears? I guess it gives you this gross ear swelling that makes your ears look like cauliflower. SICK. But yeah, he's also intense and weird. Never, ever smiles. Weird. It's like, dude you lost 157 lbs....SMILE.


And then there's Suzy....sometimes she annoyed me, but mostly I loved her. She is beautiful. She looks hot now. She was single before but I hope she's found herself a hot BF now because DAYUM girl.





And last but certainly not least is Seth. I'd hit it. He is so hot now, and the best part is his wife is totally fug. Not cute! He regrets marrying her, cause his ass could have had that hot piece Suzy. Suzy and Seth were teammates at the end and they really seem to dig each other. Seth: divorce isn't that uncommon! Suzy can be the formerly fat Angelina in your life! I wish I had a pic of his wife. Suzy was playfully jabbing him all night...you know those two want to shag. I love it! I personally think Seth's transformation was the biggest out of all three, if not because he lost the most weight then because he's currently the hottest.

I am exhausted.

I want to collapse into my bed and not speak to anyone for a long, long time.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

ANTM OUTRAGE

ANTM last night seriously made me see red! Ok, so basically this biotch Bre accused Nicole of stealing a granola bar. Are they for real?! And to make it worse, Nicole didn't even steal it! So what does Bre do? She steals Nicole's red bull and DUMPS IT! Doesn't even drink it! Just dumps it down the drain. What a skank! She is one evil bitch. Nicole was really sweet throughout it all...

BRE's Fugly Mug:




NICOLE



So then of course Tyra has to impart her wisdom on Bre at the judging by saying something so clever like "One time, this model woke me up in the middle of the night and said Bitch you stole my alarm clock! And I was like What?! But I didn't retaliate. It's juvenile"....uhm OK, thanks for tip Tyra! And...the OUTRAGE part....BRE did not get voted off! Kim did! I hate this show! I can't wait for next week!

KIM


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

FISHSTICKS PALTROW (THANKS MK!) TAKES INSTYLE BY STORM...AND IT AIN'T GOOD.


This bitch is on the cover of InStyle this month looking SO disgusting. Who took the picture and what were they thinking? Don't they take like 500 shots at photoshoots? Couldn't they find one that didn't make her look challenged? I couldn't find a large photo of it, but we all know what a dead fish Gwyneth is. The photo below clearly demonstrates her fuglyness.




And yet, the Vogue cover tells me that with a little Photoshop and the right photography professional, anything is possible!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Sigh. work vacation, over. Why do these things have to end? By about the 3rd day, you're basically resigned to never working again so really why shouldn't that just be the case? Oh I know why. So you can show off all your new clothes - purchased whilst on vacation - to your coworkers, who really won't care but that's besides the point.

So, this week was truly terrible weather-wise. On Tuesday during our shopping excursion it pissed rain all day. That night, it stopped raining and a warm breeze blew in. It was nice. Reefie told us it was going to snow the next day and we scoffed at the very idea. And yet, the next day, an even stronger tornado-like wind blew in, and then the cold came and before we knew it, it was snowing. SNOWING. I was powerless to stop it. Since then it's been cold and colder every day. It snowed virtually all day yesterday. It's not even December yet! I am not ready to drive down the Queen Elizabeth in SNOW. I'm a huge baby about this. I still believe it somehow isn't true.


Anyway, I must now finish cleaning and get on my merry way. Here's to Emily who is up in Thunder Bay visiting Dave. And Julie, in Guelph bored and trying to concentrate on something other than her hot roommate ;) and Kristen and Ange who I hope I see later. And Cory in North Bay - see you next weekend.

Tip of the Day: don't watch the movie Sylvia when you're in a bad mood. It will only make your mood worse, if not for the film's content and message, then for Gwyneth's poor acting and dialect.

Song of the Day: Stuck by Stacie Orrico. Remember that? Like 2 or 3 years ago? it was hot.



Friday, November 18, 2005

DONATELLA VERSACE IS IT!


I know we were all wondering who the hell could have ghostwritten The Truth About Diamonds for Nicole Richie since she probably can't read or write....and the mystery is solved: Donatella Versace showed up to the book signing so I guess it was her? But I thought that bitch couldn't read or write..or even form coherent sentences either?!


You know Rachel Zoe told her to cross her legs when she's posing because it makes her look thinner...


Wednesday, November 16, 2005



Jenny Shimizu was on America's Next Top Model tonight. I haven't been following this season of ANTM all that much but I've seen enough to know who's who and what's what. Lisa is a crazy bitch, Kim is a gossip-loving lesbian, etc etc. So, it was superhot when Jenny Shimizu came on the show...all the model wannabe's were like "I know her from her Calvin Klein ad" or some other job. Please bitches! I know her from such jobs as the time she went down on Angelina Jolie! I didn't even know this bitch was a model!

Other hot moments included when Jayla and I think it was Bre? were outside talking about how Kim is such a backstabber and Bre goes "That bitch ain't right...she ain't right" with the best attitude I've ever seen. Kim deserves it for talkin smack about everyone in the entire house. She also got caught immitating Tyra which was hot. But Tyra is annoying so I'd talk about her too! They bitched her out in the car and she bawled like a damn baby and then they were all nice to her! It was so funny. I love how people who talk about anyone and everyone behind their backs will crack at the drop of a hat the second they're confronted with their sauce-talk. That's why you shouldn't sauce-talk people you HAVE NO PROBLEM with biotch!

And Lisa....Lisa Lisa Lisa. Look, I get that whole goofy girl Cameron Diaz tomboyish vibe. But there's fun and then there's downright mad! Tonight she had the nerve to use the word "Psych!".

So my vacation is going quite well. Tuesday Ange, Reefie, Kristen and I went shopping in Buffalo. I love the Walden Galleria! Americans get some stores we don't get so it's fun to go there and shizzop. I bought some cute stuff at Forever 21 which we do not have in Canada, and I bought some HOT gold wedges...I know, a bit summery but they were too cute not to buy. We all made out like bandits and tire it up in the States, then we went home and vegged. I'm gonna dye my hair tomorrow. I can't wait. I've had blond highlights for about 4 or 5 months...I wanna go back to a uniform colour so I chose a toffee brown colour. Hot shit. Uhmm what else?

I don't know, that's about all I s'pose. Love ya bitches! :)

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


Apparently K-Fed still thinks he has a chance at becoming some kind of musical supastah and is enlisting serial rapist Scott Storch to produce that shit. Of course he is. And of course Scott Storch would work with KFed. It allll makes sense. He'd stick it in Paris Hilton, he'd do ANYTHING. And I mean ANY...THING:

Britney was the first to laugh at husband Kevin Federline’s leaked rap "Y'all Ain't Ready," but not the last. K-Fed, though, is undeterred, and is trying to bounce back from the early critical pounding by enlisting super-producer Scott Storch, (the man responsible for Beyoncé's "Baby Boy," and Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River," among others). Storch has also done production work for Paris Hilton's upcoming debut album, so hey, he has experience trying to turn lead into gold.

source: MuchMusic.com

Sunday, November 13, 2005



This show is hot. It's my new favourite show. Sometimes it's really sad, sometimes it makes you mad, sometimes the people are really nice underneath everything and you really want them to get all clean. The best part is at the end when they show the people now after they've been clean. It's insane how much better they look 99.9% of the time. I'm a sucker for this shit. So tonight's episode was about two drug addicts. One was some dude named Matt who was only 19, still lived with his parents and was addicted to crack cocaine (crack! I've never understood how you touch that kind of shit. but i digress) and the other guy was none other than Travis the lead singer of Days of the New. You know you're a hasbeen when you're doing Intervention to get publicity. He is a crystal meth addict who is basically near death because of some chronic heart disease he's caused himself what with all the meth doing. Anyway, the regular dude - Matt - was kinda cute when they did his Intervention, he was all smily and seemed excited about it and agreed to it right away. He obviously didn't wanna be a junkie. But the Days of the New guy predictably pulled a Mariah and threw a bloody diva hissy fit. He was a real asshole too because he has a lot more at stake, he has a baby and girlfriend and obviously some kind of recognizable talent though I'm not exactly a Days of the New fan. The hottest moment was when his own mother wouldn't come to his Intervention and there was only two people there, his sister and girlfriend (ok and his baby), and he busted out and then the producer was like giving him a stern talking to to give him tough love and make him go so he went. In the end, surprisingly Travis Days of the New stayed in rehab for 73 days and has been clean for 2 months where the other guy relapsed a bunch of times, dumped his sponsor and says he's "trying to stay clean". Riiiight. We all know what "trying to" means. It means "not even on the same block of flats as 'trying'" as the old saying goes. Wait, that might not qualify as a saying. Whatever you get the point.

This weekend was rather stressful as you can imagine after Friday's incident I shall not speak of. But, I think I feel better. I think? I don't know. Shit happens. Nothing I can do. I hope they don't put me in the slammer and throw away the key, unless it's with Lil' Kim and then I can totally become her bitch! Anyways, Ang and I were supposed to go see Derailed and then hit up the Cat's Caboose afterwards to get bad, but it all went South after Kristen and Emily stuffed so we just stayed at Ange's. Saturday Kristen Ange and I went to Kelsey's for dinner and drinks. We are always crazy when we're together. We laughed until we cried about so many things, including the msot disturbing conversation/story I've ever heard/had about a Turkey baster.

We went back to Ange's late in the night to listen to music (Song that brought back memories: Never Ever by All Saints. Oh my god, All Saints were hot!) and I finally bought a cute black dress for the CTFS gala. It's so cute, has an O-ring halter, and I also bought meself a pair of teal peep tow shoes with bows. Love it! I haven't worn a dress to any event in years. I just don't do dresses. But this one is hot shit. Anyway I'm off to bed. I have ONE day of work this week - tomorrow - and then I'm off until November 21st. If that's not cause to celebrate I don't know what is. Night bitches!

Saturday, November 12, 2005


OMG Bitches. I am such a fucking retard! So, on Thursday my aunt who works for my insurance company calls me and says yay your insurance is going down because you have a good record. Yay for me! right? WRONG. I am driving to work Friday morning in an 80 kph zone and I go to pass a few cars, and I speed up to 94, and right as I'm getting back into the right lane it turns to a 50 kph zone and I get BUSTAYD by a fucking cop! I got ticketed doing 94 kph in a 50 kph and that ain't good! $335 and 4 demerit points later I'm fucked. I'm calling X-Copper y'all, there is NO way I'm taking this one bending over. Pray for the soul of Tulip the Green Ford Focus! No, pray for the soul of SARAH!

This kind of shit is so not good for a neurotic freak like myself. I will probably be like 50 First Dates having a brand spanking new nervous breakdown every single day when I wake up and remember "oh yeah, I'm screwed!". But, I'm hoping I can somehow get my ass out of this. People, do you have bad ticket stories? Please share if you do! I need the comfort!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


Well bitches I didn't get the pink phone! I ended up getting the black one. The pink one was way too expensive just for the colour that will be so tired in about 6 months. We all know what technology is like, right iPOD owners? Fuck there's like 2 new versions since I bought mine a year ago! I wanted the phone for other reasons besides its pinkness. I did! Look, really, I did. I care about MB space and fax capabilities. I care about GSM technology. I uhm...I care about...like..high quality...technology. Or something. Whatever, I never used to care about cell phones but I really like this one! And black will go with all my outfits.

Tonight after work I drove to Burlington to visit my friend Jules who goes to uelph University. We had a good time, we went to Old Navy to see if a jacket she had on hold was in and then we bought bouncy balls from the bouncy ball machine in the store and bounced them out the door to our cars. We went to Sakai in Burlington for sushi. It was yummy, very very yummy. I went and visited Curt tonight and we watched Apprentice: Martha Stewart for the first time ever. That shit is kinda hot. I mean it's no Trump Apprentice...but whatever, it's still kinda hot. They had to sell a product on QVC and this one bitch Bethanny was INsane! She was talking faster than I would if I happened to be myself with a little speed thrown in! They lost. It was great. But Martha had NO catchphrase! I thought she was supposed to say "you don't fit in" or something! She was just like "I don't think you'd work in this company, so goodbye"...wtf is that?! And her daughter Alexis is so weird. She like barely moves her mouth when she speaks, and she constantly speaks in this monotone "I hate life and do not enjoy anything ever, not even puppies licking my face or sunny days or ANYTHING EVER because I am the DEVIL" voice. I don't know. I like Martha, but still, there is something so robotic and weird about the whole Stewart gene pool.

Anyway I am so not in the blogging mood lately, sorry guys! I've had nothing particularly interesting to write...I'm coming up to a vacation from work - first in over a year! - and I'm hoping it will rejuvenate me or something because DAMN am I out of it. I need to sleep in and go to the park with my dog and relax. I'm so excited for Christmas too I can't wait! I'm going to a Christmas party with a cute boy on November 26th, It's kind of a first date and I think I really like him so wish me luck. And then there's the Canadian Tire gala on December 3rd, which me and my gals decided to go stag to so we could just dance and have fun and get trashed in the hotel afterwards. It'll be fun. I love the Christmas season!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005



It's so fucking frivolous but I want this phone in a bad way! I would shave my hair off for this phone. Ok no I wouldn't nothing's worth that. But whatever I want!!


Ahhh the QEW Niagara. I take this highway everyday to and from work. Some days, it makes me want to kill myself.

Wait, I shouldn't say things like that anymore, it's so distasteful! Ah well!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Well, this has been an eventful day to say the least. This morning around 9:30 or 10 AM, a guy was crushed to death by a forklift in the parking lot at the side of my office building. His name was Glenn. I don't know much else about him, but I talked to him a few times and he seemed really nice and friendly. Apparently he was 42 and had a "young family", as they said on the news. I can't seem to find anything about it on the internet, but they did a 5-minute blurb about it on CH News Hamilton. He worked for the company downstairs from mine, called Direct Buy, on Barton in Stoney Creek, Ontario which is a suburb of Hamilton. I am really bummed out about it. I can just imagine his poor wife right now. I can't even write a coherent post about it, it's weird and sad and horrible.

I was going to show you the phone my mum and dad are getting me for Christmas but it feels frivolous right now. Also, my fucking piece of crap dial-up connection - thanks to living in the middle of NOWHERE - won't load blogger properly so I can't anyway. But my mum has agreed to get me the hot pink motorola V3 razor phone. My parents are hot bitches, they spoil me so much I love them. Anyway, I'm tired. I have to get on to bed and try to forget what's happened.

Sunday, November 06, 2005



Isn't that Kathy Hilton? Yet another reason I love this bitch, she knows how to fight dirty but seem like she's totally over it. Loves it!

I'm glad she seems back to wearing somewhat normal fitting clothing. Some of her choices recently have been questionable. But I don't like the whole jeans tucked into skinny boots phenom much. I am picky when it comes to footwear. I think the tucky boots thing makes one look disproportionate.



Also, a wise man (MK) once asked: Was Nicole hotter Then, or Now? Well, I've found some photos that I believe best pinpoint the exact 5 minutes when Nicole was, dare I say, at her hottest:






Ahhh Sundays. I love today, because my whole family is gone shopping and I'm home alone for an entire day. I'm telling you, in this house that's rare. Just me and the puppy. Loves it.

I had quite the productive weekend I think. Friday night Ange, Kristen and I just stayed in and watched movies and laughed our asses off making fun of people we worked with at Canadian Tire. God, everyone and their dog has worked for or currently works at Canadian Tire, either the store or the head office or the call center like I did for six years. My brother AND his fiancee work there. A guy I kinda dig right now works there. Many of my friends work there. My mom's best friends sister in law works there. Ok you get the point now.

Anyway, Saturday I became a brand new girl. I have a confession to make: My Mum does my Laundry. Yes, ok. Fuck, I know. It's so wrong. I'm 22 years old, and the worst part is I KNOW how to do my laundry, I've lived on my own before...I just don't do it because my mum always does! I feel so Jessica Simpson right now. So yesterday, I decided, NO MORE! I will not be a spoiled brat. So, I did my laundry yesterday and it was kind of relaxing! I'll have to try it again soon. Yeah, that's what I said, I'm doing it again! I also went for a long walk with my doggy at the canal. It was quite fun. Lots of ATVers and bikers on the path but still nice and relaxing. I don't know if many of you know what the weather is like here in Southern Ontario, but a lot of my American customers at work always make jokes at me that the weather sucks for 10 months out of the year. But, it's currently November 6 and I'm telling you I wore flip flops out last night, and wasn't cold. I didn't wear a jacket. I wore a skirt and no leggs. It's probably global warming, but y'know. It's kinda nice not to be wearing my scarf and snowcoat yet.

So then Saturday night I made the questionable decision to hang with Forrest. We drank beers and got a little tipsy. It's so weird hanging out with him. He'll talk about the old times, or stand thisclose to my face when he talks to me, or hug me or something and it's so weird. Then he'll say something mean 2 seconds later. It's so weird. And I'm weird around him, I don't even know why we keep in touch sometimes. In fact, I never know why. Why? can you tell me? I don't know.

Aaaand I admit, I cancelled my appointment with the trainer today. I just wasn't feelin' it, I knew I shouldn't have agreed to Sunday at 11 am. But yeah, I rescheduled it for tomorrow so it's all cool.





Some random things: The episode of Ashlee Simpson on MOD is replaying as we speak, and damn does she look tore! She needs to seriously rethink her fucking outfits about 99.9% of the time. Also, she is so fake. She's all super smiley and "oooh boy wow I can't believe this many people came, wow, oh my gosh I'm so excited to be here!" BLAH BLAH BLAH Ashlee. She actually had the nerve to say she didn't know if she'd be a famous singer or sing in a bar. PLEASE bitch! Such blatant disregard for my intelligence. And there are definitely NOT as many people outside the Much Window as there usually are. There's maybe, 50? If a famous guest cohosts MOD they can pull like hundreds of people outside that window. I've been there before, I went once for Hanson. Yes I know. I know! I really liked them in high school OK? I'm over it now!





Also, have you seen the new video for My Humps by none other than the Black Eyed Tranny's? Fergie looks like shit in it, as usual she's wearing the most un-sexy getup she could find to sing about being sexy in.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

KANYE IS MOD



Kanye West is co-hosting MOD on November 9. I'll probably watch that shit just to see what he'll say. He seems like he's smarter than your average rapper but deep down he's a dumbass at heart. I still like him for now though.



So, last night Leah was talking about her favourite celebrity gossip site that's ALWAYS up to date, and I fully expected her to say DListed, and that bitch talked up Perez! But, Perez posted this shit on his site, which makes me think he's now paying for on air adverts. What a fucker! I love MK!


CRAIG DAVID WANTS TO BANG SIENNA MILLER



This week's most charming pickup line comes from Craig David, who hopes to score Sienna Miller off the rebound. "Call me, Sienna! Looks-wise, you're perfect." Now how can any woman resist that?





lol, MuchMusic.com is becoming one of my new favourite websites. Too bad the actual TV channel is getting more MTV-like by the day. It's just not the same as when I was in grade school/high school. I miss Rick the Temp, Rachel, Master T and Bill. I miss Sook-Yin!! OMG I almost forgot her...anyway, this is what the site had to say about JT and Britney, I thought it was funny:

Justin Timberlake defended Britney this week, urging people to "leave her alone" in response to those who posted photos of her baby online - after she decided not to release them. Britney looks at Kevin, looks at Justin, looks at Kevin, and then cries.



According to Much Music's Wednesday night edition of MOD, some of K-Fed's "music" has been leaked to the internet. The funniest shit was MOD's "Quote of the Day" which was from K-Fed's alleged song "Y'all Ain't Ready". The lyrics went something like "Y'all just jealous and you wish you was in my position cause you ain't never seen what i seen...cousin" or some shit like that. Just when you thought K-Fed getting denied at Blockbuster was the best shit you'd heard all day!! I'm waiting for either A) The Britney and KFed duet, or B) Britney's comeback song about her inevitable divorce!




Also, Tuesday was Ashlee Simpson's guest-hosting spot on MOD. I didn't see this shit but I guess this bitch got a cooking lesson from T.O. chef Tom Brodi, and talked about her new album and blah blah. She said:


"I’ve learned a lot of lessons in the last 12 months," she says. "I had a lot to write about on this album and I was honest with where I was at. I’ve really learned that even when you fall on your face, you have to just keep going and not look back. You can overcome obstacles in your life that you never thought you could."

This bitch needs to shut up about SNL already! You still can't sing, you're still fugly and just because your label gave you enough money to make a second album doesn't make you brave! It makes you about 2.5 seconds away from your 15 being up biotch!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

NICOLE RICHIE SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME

This was one of the options for the cover of her book The Truth about Diamonds. Thank fucking God they didn't choose this one! She seriously just doesn't even look human sometimes. She's like a Turbo Twiggy. She's an alien. I don't know. She's scary but I still love her. I can't wait to read that book! It's probably shit though.