Tuesday, January 31, 2006

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

I saw this movie last week and it was SO hot. Great movie, great acting, great story, it was sad and funny and really really great. It was also gay. Very gay. And I gotta say, I never thought I'd want to see two dudes but Jake and Heath changed my mind. It was HOT. Ok the sex scene was debatable but the makeout scenes were hot. HOT HOT.

Anyway they were all on Oprah the other day and some parts of the interview were really annoying. Jakey was actually the cutest part! He looked so fine as evidenced below. He was very jokey and cute. At first it was just him and Heath being interviewed and since Heath is basically a wet rag Jake held up that interview like a true gay would on Oprah!



Then the girls came out, and Michelle Williams kissed Heath on the cheek and sat with her man, holding hands the whole time. *Vomit*. Ok it was *kind of* cute when Heath said Michelle was "the best mother in the world". But she was kind of fake. She was acting all shy and shit and very uncomfortable and untalkative. Bitch you were in a hot movie and you're on Oprah! Smile! I swear, people should just give their fame and money to me and I'LL enjoy it for their ungrateful asses!


Then Oprah was like "tell me how you guys fell in love" to Heath and Michelle and Jake was all cute and said "well, I'll tell you, we made out and they had a baby". Aww. I love Toothy he's so cute! But then there was this awkward moment where Michelle was like "well, things just developed after a while..." and Anne Hathaway interrupted and was like "I'M SORRY but there were sparks RIGHT AWAY!"....and Oprah was like "uhm...moving on then...". Who knew Anne Hathaway was such a crazy bitch? She also totally insulted Oprah when Oprah asked her if her character knew her husband was gay in the end of the movie and Anne goes "well I think it was obvious". Oprah's like uhm? So my question is stupid?...what a chooch! You don't insult Oprah EVER, even behind her BACK because she will find out and pull a James Frey-style attack on your ass and ruin you!

My hair weighs more than this bitch...



So I got my hair cut on Saturday just like the above photo. It looks hot, I must say. The stylist that cut my hair was all smart and current and shit...she knew who Nicole Richie was - I brought a picture - and wasn't all stupid and annoying like some are...one time I went in for a haircut back in the day when Jennifer Aniston had shorter hair...and the stylist DID NOT know who Maniston was. WTF!? Anyways...since I wear my hair mostly wavy...I'm thinking it'll look something like below...minus the skin fighting to stretch over the jutting bones. My body is like 3x this bitch's size. Plus my hair won't fall out due to malnutrition. Now that's hot! Seriously though, as much as I try, I can't hate her. I feel sorry for her, wish she'd gain like 10 lbs. and am pretty sure she's on drugs...but I love her. LOVE HER.

Monday, January 30, 2006

The thing about that is...



Mean Girls is CONSTANTLY on the movie network. I almost always watch it, provided I'm home, watching TV at the time and notice that it's on. The thing about this movie is that it kind of seems to show that girls are only mean when they're girls. Not true. Some girls are mean forever. Some girls never, ever become nice girls.

Case in point: The dreaded talking about your friend behind her back to another friend. Ok, we all do this now and then. Like, if someone pisses me off somehow, I won't hesitate to say how and why and I might tell a mutual friend if said trespass warrants it. But some girls will literally find ANY occasion to shit-talk their "friends" behind their back. "Oh, the sky is blue? Jane is a bitch." Not good. Even if the person you shit-talk to doesn't tell you, she thinks you're a big bitch for bashing your other friend to her and secretly wonders if you do it to her too. And frankly, if you're willing to do it to one person, you're probably willing to do it to other people. Namely, the very person you're gossipping to. Paranoia and girl chaos ensue! Yada yada yada. Whatever, all I know is, I've noticed as of late that some people will talk shit about ANYONE and EVERYONE about ANYTHING, and it's a disease called "insecurity". Do not let yourself be infected. That's what celebrity gossip is for, not your friends.

Men don't have this problem because men are not petty. Men do not speculate about each other's health/personal life/haircut/weight/clothing. In fact, men don't speculate at all. Men just are. I like that about men.

If you're in an argument with someone, expect their side of the story to magically get out to people. But if you're wondering if someone is untrustworthy, they probably are. Instincts don't lie. That's my life lesson for the day!

Let's hope that my backpacking adventure shows me a much MUCH bigger picture of the world, because Girl-World as it's called in Mean Girls tends to get old. Not that there aren't secure, intelligent, sweet girls out there. You just wouldn't know it based on what the bitchy ones say!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

TRIPS AND TRAPS



Do you ever wonder if you should pursue something crazy just because if you don't, regret will eat away at you? I'm sure you do, we've all had that feeling. There are many times in my life that I've been scared to do something, say something, or face something that I know I should. But just when I feel that I've been giving in to fear or missing opportunities for too long, I get a surge of strength and courage and decide to take matters into my own hands. This, folks, is what brings me to the point of today's post.

I want to travel. I don't want to just take a trip, but really immerse myself in my travels. I want to travel for months on end and see things I won't believe I saw later, meet people I never would have met otherwise, and all around rely on myself for a long, long time. You only live once, you're only young once, and you only get so many chances to do what you've dreamed about doing before your chances are wasted.

So I've made the ultimate decision that I am going to do it. The photo above is of a Belgian statuette. My mother is Belgian. I'll have to go visit her home country and see where she lived. I want to go back to France because thankfully I've been once before. I want to go to Germany, Switzerland, Ireland, Scotland, England, Holland, Portugal, Spain...and of course Ryan I want to come and visit you in China so maybe we'll call this a backpacking trip through Europe and Other :)

I am so excited that I've made the decision that it IS possible and that I am going to do it. Now, the planning...right. Damnit!

IN OTHER NEWS:

Kam had her baby, as we all know. He now has a name! It's Nishaan. Beautiful. I love it. It's very sing-songy and precious. Apparently it means - roughly - "target" or "bullseye"...but in a "beautiful way" as I was explained by someone who knows about these things. Sweet!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

How could I forget to mention?! Kam had her baby! Yay! An 8 lb. something oz. baby boy! So cute. He doesn't have a name yet but i'll keep ya posted! ;)

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I HAVE A COLD. BOO.



Well I have finally caught the sickness that is My Dad's Cold I was Trying not to Get. It's actually not that bad, I have a slightly raspy - a.k.a. supersexy and hot of course! - voice, but the postnasal drip and coughing, not so hot. I now know what Colin Farrel's lungs must feel like. Or his liver. Or his kidneys. Or his unsafely and overused penis. Or his mother, because she must be really ashamed of....I digress. Anyway, apparently Colin is suing Perezhilton.com over their posting of a free link to his sex tape. Who even wants to see his gnarly ass doing it with some random skank? I do not know HOW or WHY Colin Farrell is famous but you heard it here first folks: COLIN FARRELL IS DISGUSTING. NOT CUTE. NOT HOT. NOT SEXY. NOT TALENTED. COLIN FARRELL SHOULD GO AWAY. FOR A LONG, LONG TIME. HELL, FOREVER. HE IS REMINISCENT OF SOMEONE LIVING ON THE EAST SIDE OF WELLAND AND THAT AIN'T GOOD.

Ahh, yes. I feel much better having broken that news.

So, what else? This weather is out of control! I mean, I realize that regardless of the weather conditions I'll continue to wear skirts without stockings because I believe in suffering for fashion, but COME ON. It's just a LOT easier on all of us - all of us being anyone who has to listen to my whining - if it's warm and sunny outside.

So remember I told you guys I went on a super fun and wicked date with a boy a little while back? Well the boy and I have been seeing each other. I can't say I'm seeing stars or fireworks or...whatever. But, we have reasonable amounts of fun together so we have continued to see each other. But, tonight, I can honestly say nuts to that! Things the boy does that annoy me: Doesn't call me when he says he will, only to call much much MUCH later and exclaim: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!. No, boy, no, where have YOU been?? Calling me after a night or five of heavy drinking with what can only be described as emphazyma voice to recount how drunk he got and what stupid things he did. Girls don't really like that. No I know, it's hard to believe but we don't.

Anyway so methinks this boy has had his day in the life of moi. I shall now fill my time stroking my 17 cats and playing Solitaire. Kidding bitches! Actually my brother is getting married so I'm going to be tied up trying to find a bridesmaid dress and being a good sister/bridesmaid.

Well I'm about to eat dinner...goodnight all!

xoxo

Sunday, January 15, 2006


Well tonight is like Julia Roberts night or some shit on tbs because they just played Stepmom and now Pretty Woman. I LOVE me some Pretty Woman. It's at commercial now, but the part where she goes shopping in her hooker dress and gets turned away just ended. I love the song during that part...i think i need to invest in the soundtrack. I just got the soundtrack to Dirty Dancing and Rent. HOT.

Julia Roberts truly is a Pretty Woman. She is just gorgeous. Okay, lately she looks like her skin hasn't seen much light and she wears Lands End jeans and doesn't brush her hair, but she's a mother to twins so we'll let it slide. She will make a hot comeback and have a bangin' body and be just as gorgeous as ever very soon. SHE WILL. She is one of a kind. I love Julia.

So this weekend was pretty quiet, I haven't been sleeping well lately so I know I should have just spent it at home but of course I went to Angela's because I am addicted to hanging out there lol. loves it! Chandler, Ange and I just hung out and watched home movies but of course I passed out, slept over and we went shopping on Saturday at Designer Depot. I got THE hottest pair of Guess heels EVER. They're round-toe 4 inch heels with that sort of retro thick heel goin on, brown python on the toe and heel and the G logo canvas print on the rest. They are my new favourite shoes. I'm a shopaholic, I know. It's really bad! But I couldn't let these go. And, there was a pair of black heels I decided not to get that I now can't stop thinking about and want to go back and get. It's sick. Why am I cursed with fashion love? I mean I used to like clothes, love shopping....but it was like one day I discovered the world of shoes and bags and I went buckwild! They truly do MAKE an outfit don't they? I just spent an entire paragraph discussing shoes. damnit!

Well, after this weekend I am determined to get my sleeping issues under control. I haven't had a good night's sleep in quite some time now. I think that a lot of stressful events happened around Christmas that just wore me into insomniac mode. Anyway I'm definitely going to take steps to manage my stress in a healthy fashion and get more rest. I'm taking a Buddhist meditation class at Grantham Library every Thursday night about how to control the mind and body with meditation. Hot! I'm excited!

Saturday, January 14, 2006

KAM'S HAVING A BABY!



My friend and co-worker Kam (played today by Parminder Nagra) is going to have a baby by Monday! I wonder what she's doing this weekend, her last as a non-Mother. I think she'll make a great mother, she kept me in line at work! :) I wonder what she will name the baby? And if it's a boy or a girl, because she doesn't know yet. It's very exciting, and I am rooting for a Angelina Jolie gives birth to Bradd Pitt's baby kind of delivery Kam! Cause that's hot!

IN SPORTS NEWS...

Team Jolie: 1

Yes Angelina, yes you are.

Team Maniston: 0


There's two hours of my life I'll never get back.

LIKE COFFEE BEANS THROUGH THE GRINDER, THESE ARE THE MEALS OF MY LIFE.

Symptoms of Cocaine use include: Anorexia Nervosa.

Symptoms of Anorexia Nervosa include: Chronic, excessive, persistent consumption of gigantic caffeinated drinks.











FAUXBIANS: THE LA LOHAN CHAPTER



I don't get girls today. First, Lindsay Lohan is hospitalized (how many times does a young "healthy" girl need to be hospitalized before people realize she's a DRUG ADDICT?) and then like 2 days later, she's spotted at Scores stripclub. Recovery be damned! But, according to some skeevy people who were also there, she and Kate Moss rolled in around 2:45 am and proceeded to act like best girlfriends. Y'know...if best girlfriends pole danced and made out with each other. Which, sorry guys, we don't.

However, I do see a disturbing trend amond young women to ACT like they play for other team. What's that about? I am completely open-minded, and have nothing against being gay. Heck, I love the gays! I have known a few gay people in my time. Gay = Great. But, when you're NOT a lesbian, why act like you are? And if you're acting like you are, then saying you're not would mean you're trying to hide something, no?

A good friend of mine lived with a bunch of girls all throughout University. One night after a particularly drunken party, one of the girls brought home another girl she had been hanging out with that night. Long story short, they ended up in bed together. How do you go from straight to practicing lesbian in ONE NIGHT?! i don't get it. Anyway, said girl then claimed to have a major girl-crush on my friend, and my friend having been in a relationship with a guy for the last five years clearly said sorry, not interested. HOWEVER, they have proceeded to drunkenly make out whenever they go out together. I don't know, call me crazy, but I don't make out with people I'm not interested in. Y'know, much.

I get that girl-on-girl is way more accepted in society than male homosexuality and I get that we're a lot more liberal about sexuality now. Some people are bi-sexual. But, that's completely different than random acts of lesbianism with your friends. That, in my opinion, seems like a lot of attention-seeking from guys whose jaws will inevitably drop upon seeing two girls going at it. And if you're in a relationship with a guy, is making out with a girl once in a while not....cheating?

Thursday, January 12, 2006

SHOUT OUTS AND FADEOUTS.

So, last night's Larry King Live was pretty lackluster, I have to say. James Frey is pure sex though, I love him. He's totally hot in a nerdy writer/former drug addict kind of way. Anyway if you're into James Frey, check out his website, Big Jim Industries for the scoop on the current scandaliciousness surrounding his books. Do not, however, and I repeat NOT, check out The Smoking Gun for their bastardly exposé about James' embellishments. Don't. It's wrong.




What else? I feel like a kid in a candy store today because it's so sunny and gorgeous out. It's +9 today. Tomorrow it's supposed to be +13. That's just friggin great. Almost as good as Chestica Simpson's new badass black eye. I hope someone held her down and beat her good-style! And what the FUCK happened to her face? DAYUM. Get a bigger hat!



I must now go and finish enjoying this fantabulous day, but not before giving a GIGANTIC shout out to Marty The Coworker's Sextacular friend WES who apparently reads my blog from time to time. Clearly, he loves me. Whatever, who doesn't?! Later bitches!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

OPRAH'S HYPNOTIC VAGINA



Well bitches, you're probably wondering what the hell i've been up to because frankly I know that's most important on all your brains isn't it? Well, over the holiday break I played with my Christmas presents, ate a lot of junk food, drank some, watched a crapload of MuchMusic Holiday Wrap, and read two excellent books written by author James Frey. The first is A Million Little Pieces, a book about his crazy time in rehab for addiction to...just about every drug you can do. Kinda like Paris Hilton's addiction to every penis you can do, James smoked crack, sniffed glue, drank alcohol, snorted coke, smoked hash, used meth, etc...then when he got clean, he wrote a book about it and Oprah recommended it in her book club and BAM, the rest is history. Everything Oprah touches turns to gold basically.





Now, I know what you're thinking: an Oprah's book club book? How fucking lame! But, I am a slave to Oprah. I know it, I can't turn away from it, I just fucking love her! Her vagina is clearly more hypnotic than Angelina's because she turned down Brad Pitt's mother for her Favourite Things show...even Brad couldn't get no Oprah love! Anyway, the book she recommended was A Million Little Pieces but James also wrote a follow up called My Friend Leonard, which I also read last week and also loved. AND he's kinda hot as evidenced above and below:





WELL, turns out there's this huge hoopla now because people are claiming his ass is a liar and the things he says happened in his books never happened. People are mad. Up in arms. His book has sold millions of copies since Oprah touted it, of course, so people are pissed that he's making money off that shit if it's not true! Anyways, if you guys read this before tonight check him out defending his ass and probably Oprah's too on CNN's Larry King Live. I love a good Oprah scandal. You just want to know that perfect people aren't perfect. I want to see her squirm a bit. And if it's lies, I'm never fuckin taking her advice ever again! Oh who am I kidding, that bitch could bottle her sweat and sell it as perfume and I'd wear that shit all over.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Hey guys....it's been a while yet again. Here's the thing: living in the middle of nowhere, as I do, we don't have access to anything but dialup internet. It's pure and total hell! It takes about 10 minutes for a webpage to load and even then...yikes. So, I can only really do the internet thing from work and you can imagine that blogging from work isn't exactly the best thing, for your job OR for the quality and quantity of your blogging. Sooooo...I was thinking about packing it in. BUT I am still undecided. As you can tell, my posts have become less and less as life gets busier. I donno...anyone have suggestions?